I7DT-Rachel, Ryan and Bear's Apartment

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Hey babe." Rachel said, still a bit groggy as she came out of the living room.

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan was sleeping on the couch, which on reflection, he'd been happening to do quite a bit the past few days. He blinked, looking up, then rolling onto his back. "Oh," he yawned, "Hi."

[Rachel O'Brien]

Rachel sat down on the floor next to the couch. "I'm sorry." she whispered, not quite daring to lean against Ryan.

[Ryan Gabriel]

"For what?" he asked, blinking his eyes and trying to wake up.

[Rachel O'Brien]

"For shutting you out, for being a bitch to you, for taking you for granted." Rachel said "Y'know, everything."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan sighed. Oh. That. "It's all right," he grunted, rolling back over. "Things happen, especially in a setup like we had. We all knew it could happen."

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Like we had?" Rachel asked, her heart suddenly in her throat.

[Ryan Gabriel]

"I'm not exactly new to the game, Rachel. I know how to take a damn hint."

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Ryan, no." Rachel said "I've been a fucking mess lately. I know that. But that doesn't change the fact that I love you, and that I want to be with you."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan looked back over his shoulder, looking tired. "Rachel, let's just face it. It isn't working. We're always at each other's throats, there's always some kind of drama going on. You wouldn't be doing all that lately if a part of you didn't want to." He sighed, laying down again, feeling drained. "Don't worry. Everything's all paid up. I'm not trying to screw you over here."

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Ryan, please." Rachel said "Don't do this. I love you. Bear loves you. We fight, yeah, but we fight because we're too alike not to, and I've got my issues. But...we always make up, right? Please, just give me a chance."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan sighed. "No you don't. You guys don't even notice when I'm gone. All I do is start fights and piss everyone off." He closed his eyes. He couldn't help it. "I started applying for new places a couple days ago. It'll take a few weeks, but it shouldn't be a big problem."

[Rachel O'Brien]

"We notice." Rachel said quietly "We notice, and we miss you. It, when you aren't around, there is a hole where you should be. Please. Fuck it, why am I talking, let me show you." even as she spoke, she reached her mind out towards his.

[Ryan Gabriel]

And this time, for the first time, his mind wasn't open to her. He'd had enough practice over the years that while he wasn't psychic, he wasn't too bad at resisting psychic assaults... not that he'd ever tried to do anything but let Rachel in in the past.

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Please." Rachel said "Just let me show you. Once I've done that, if you still want to go, I won't try to stop you."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan just sighed, not able to focus long enough on keeping her out. So he just closed his eyes and let her sink into his head. He clearly wasn't home in the part she was sinking through, all the confusion and rejection and loneliness that currently he was just trying to hide from, that she got to feel as she sank into his mind to the little part of it he was holed up in.

[Rachel O'Brien]

Can I come in? Rachel said, putting a fore-limb on the door.

[Ryan Gabriel]

...Can't stop you... came the quiet reply, although there was the distinct impression of a door being pushed open for her.

[Rachel O'Brien]

Rachel walked inside and settled in to one corner of the room. Next to her, a projection screen appeared. And on the screen, she showed him.

Everything.

How she'd felt the first time they met, how she'd grown to love him, how it had felt when he'd gotten back together with Bear, how much it had hurt when the Skrull rejected her, how afraid she'd been when Bear had offered to share him with her, her surprise and joy when he'd said yes, how happy he made her, how every day her love for him grew, and how her fear of losing him, of losing Bear, of losing what they had, increased. How that made her uncertain and snappish and made things worse. How much she hated that, and tried so hard to stop. And now, just as she was trying to get her head on straight, just as she was starting to feel like there was hope...

She showed him what losing him would do to her. The parts of her that would wither and die or be twisted beyond all recognition if he left. All her dreams for the future-her wedding, fighting beside him, having a family to come home to, waking up beside him-everything she'd hoped for melting like ice on a hot sidewalk.

and then finally, at the last, not having anything else left, she showed him how it felt, how perfect, how safe, she felt when he held her. That home was waking up next to him.

[Ryan Gabriel]

She had the sense that Ryan was watching, silently, as she showed him all these things. But the bottom line was that this was Ryan... when it came to psychic things he might not have a problem with them so much anymore, but he didn't trust them. They were, after all, someone making changes to his mind. Just tell me what to feel... I'll do what you want...

[Rachel O'Brien]

Rachel slid back into her body and looked him in the eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks "You have to make your own choices. If I mind-rape you into staying, it won't be you. But please." she wrapped her arms around him, burying her head on his chest "Please stay with me, with us."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan winced... even as screwed up as he was, unable to stand seeing her cry. "You'll be fine," he said. "You'll have Bear, I..." He didn't know how to finish. I'll be fine would be a lie, after all. I don't matter? Yeah, maybe that...

[Rachel O'Brien]

"I won't have you." Rachel said "Bear won't have you. We'd survive, yeah. But it wouldn't be as good, it wouldn't be the same. Please. I need you."

[Ryan Gabriel]

"Why?" he said, a little desperately... but as he said it, he did pull her up onto the couch with him, letting her slip into the little gap between him and the back of the couch. "All we ever do is fight... you only believe things when Bear tells them to you, when I do it all you do is get defensive and insist I'm wrong... really, why?"

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Because you notice when I'm upset first." Rachel said "And when someone tries to take care of me, my first instinct is to dig in my heels and get dumb and stubborn. Lately, you've been backing off and then Bear steps in and deals with me when I'm ready to actually listen. Its a fucked up thing, and I want to fix it. I love you, and I want things to be ok. Landing in the hospital like that....it messed up my head. I was hurting too much to notice that I was hurting you."

[Ryan Gabriel]

"I stopped by there," Ryan said quietly, almost a little ashamed. "I... saw Bear in there, felt like I shouldn't intrude," he added, sliding his arm around her waist.

[Rachel O'Brien]

"You wouldn't have." Rachel said "I needed you. I always need you."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan swallowed, his arm around her tightening. "I... want to believe it. Part of me does believe it. It's just..." he trailed off, not sure what he'd been about to say. All he really knew was that right now, he didn't feel lonely, and he wasn't about to let go of that feeling.

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Its hard." Rachel said "You and I are hard. But I think its worth it. And a lot of the hard is my fault. You and Bear...if anyone is leaving, it should be me."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan scoffed at that. "Don't be stupid," he said, kissing her lightly. He could have said more, he could have said a lot, but he just couldn't right now. It just felt too good to finally have a few moments close to her to waste it on talk that might end up in a fight.

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Ok." Rachel said, after a long moment holding him close "But only if you promise not to be stupid too."

[Ryan Gabriel]

"I'm never stupid. Haven't you read my fan pages? They all say so," he joked weakly, his face resting against hers.

[Amanda Weinrich]

"They don't count, since most of them just want the chance to bone you once you're single again."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan shrugged. "Everyone's gotta have a dream, right?" he said, smiling a little.

[Rachel O'Brien]

"And mine is spending the rest of my life with you and Bear."

[Ryan Gabriel]

Ryan hesitated. "You sure?" he asked quietly, a little afraid to believe her.

[Rachel O'Brien]

"Positive."