May 19th - Recuperating

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:08 am

"Well I'm certainly not thinking very favourable about her." she tries to joke. It falls entirely flat.

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:12 am

"Aye, and sometimes... revenge isn't quite how you pictured it."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:20 am

"I'm not sure it ever is... But even knowing there should be closure in her being locked away it's just..." she trails off into a frustrated grunt.

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:24 am

"Aye. Hard for that to feel real when it's this fresh."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:38 am

"It gets easier with time, right? Please tell me it does..."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:45 am

"I was a teenager when I first faced her. I think when you're a teenager there's always a sense that someday you'll be more together than you are then. That you'll have control and it'll all make sense."

"But now?"

"We do what we can."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:48 am

She nods. "I... I'm just not sure it's enough. And that scares me."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:49 am

"There's nothing more natural than being scared about this, love."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:55 am

"I know, I know! It's just so... frustrating and unfair and daunting and all I want is for things to go back to normal but even just hugging you makes me break down into sobs. It's not fair!"

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:02 am

"And that's how she wanted you to feel. You, watching that. Me, knowing she essentially had a knife to your throat. It's control, pure and simple, and when we lack it that's something we feel on a fundamental level. It's always painful to be helpless like that, always a violation."

"She knew that, and she'd been doing it for the longest time."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:09 am

"But it's over now. Why do I still feel so helpless and lost?"

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:10 am

"Because regardless of how it ended, she still had us."

She gave a sad sigh.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:17 am

"I... I'm sorry for not understanding why you were so terrified of that whole Morrigan-Fugue." she seemingly changes the topic. "I do now..."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:18 am

"It's... not quite the same."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:19 am

"I know, but it's along the same lines, isn't it? Losing control of yourself? Of who you are?"

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:21 am

"I'm not as aware of it when that happens to me. I only really figure it out in retrospect, usually."

"Then again, you didn't know what happened when Sekhmet was in you either, aye?"

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:25 am

"No... It is different. Less... malicious and violating."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:27 am

"And I fear it because identity is far more of an issue for me, for obvious reasons."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:35 am

She nods. "Still, I should have taken it more seriously than I did."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:38 am

"I can still... understand if you want to pursue it. Even now."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:39 am

"Not yet... Not while I'm still reeling from this..."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:40 am

"Aye, didn't think it would be right away."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:44 am

"But if I was better at it maybe I could prevent things like this from happening. To me... you... anyone..."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:46 am

"Don't do it because you feel you have to. That way lies madness. Do it because you want to."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:55 am

"I'm supposed to be a guardian and so far I've only ever needed to be saved myself. I'm so sick of that! I know you don't think that but sometimes I feel like a liability. Someone who only ever causes you to have to dive in after me and save me from drowning. It's not... an obligation. I want to be stronger. Stronger than this anyway..."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:20 am

"It's no real wonder why you do, right now at least."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:39 am

"That's not it! Even if I do feel particularly vulnerable because of it..."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:52 am

"I'm not saying that's the only reason you might feel like this, just that it's a bit of a tipping point, aye?"

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:18 pm

"It certainly is..." she sighs.

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:20 pm

"And I have seen the fierce side of you, love. There's no doubt in my mind that you can accomplish this."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:29 pm

"If I can let it out under other circumstances maybe..." she frowns slightly.

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:38 pm

"Does the thought of that bother you?"

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:42 pm

"Not really, I mean... it just... it goes to show how inhibited I can be when I'm not... well... getting caught up in the moment, I suppose."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:50 pm

"You've never really needed to before, aye?"

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:55 pm

"I never needed to be calm and reserved either."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:57 pm

"But that suits you more than a bit too," she said with a small smile.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:31 pm

"And I certainly don't want to give that up. It was just comfortable and maybe a bit lazy to be that way and in a way it has made me weak."

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:36 pm

"They're not irreconcilable, aye? The lioness can have moments of calm, and times when the claws come out."

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:41 pm

"If she hasn't turned into a pampered house-cat yet..." she smiles faintly.

by **Samantha McManus** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:45 pm

"I can share some of the blame for that," she said with a weary chuckle.

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