Issue 1 Downtime

Name: Sheamus "Fayt" McMurphy
Age: 23

Birthday: May 1, 1999

Power:
Sheamus is a mutant whose primary ability is the manipulation of energy. He uses the bio-kinetic energy his body produces to convert the potential energy of non-living matter into kinetic energy. The conversion process, referred to as charging, often results in a violent and powerful explosion. The explosion is proportional to the size of the object. Because energy charges his body, Sheamus has greater strength, stamina and agility than any non-powered human, able to leap from rooftop to rooftop, run across ropes and powerlines and do a quintuple somersault. Sheamus is skilled in hand-to-hand combat.

Personality:

Sheamus personality is very outgoing and deceptive, Sheamus loves to hangout at the local pub and make himself known to all. On the inside Sheamus has a Leader of the Pack mentality and when challenged will do anything to win, which can lead to him being a loner at times against his will. He enjoys partying,women,causing mischief, racing and working on cars, as well as practicing and honing his many skills to be the best. being around large crowds makes him want to be the entertainer. In his spare time, Sheamus loves to play and write Music, He also trains hard so one day he can be the best at his gift.

Description:

Sheamus is about 6ft 3", weighing in around 195 lbs. He is of athletic build with shoulder length brown hair (currently dyed black), and Hazel eyes. He normally wears a pair of black Jeans with the word Wolf head emblem embedded on the right leg and a celtic cross on the left. He also wears a studded belt. black boots, black fingerless gloves and a black sleaveless shirt. He also wears a custom silver Celtic Cross around his neck with a emerald jewel in the center.

Background:

Sheamus never knew his real parents. Born in Dublin, Ireland he was an orphan until the age of 5. His Adoptive Father Connor Mcmurphy and his older brother Liam Mcmurphy, took him in and taught him everything he knew, (how to work on cars,music and Hand to Hand combat). Liam about 8 years older then Sheamus is a mutant who has the ability to change the perception of what a person sees, Connor on the other hand is a human who devoted much of his life to studying martial arts,cars and music. Conner had to adjust his lifestyle again to accomadate Sheamus' powers after Sheamus turned 10 and things he touched started to blow up. Sheamus learned how to control his powers by age 13, It was at that point he started working the streets doing small parlor tricks and playing guitar to entertaintourists who would visit Dublin. At 18 He started to Travel the world with his adoptive Brother Liam, The 2 of them put on a world Class Illusionist show, At age 20 Sheamus decided to try his chances in being a rock star after two years passed realizing his dream failed him Sheamus returned home. Upon arrving home Liam tells Sheamus some grim news that Connor had been Murdered. Looking for the Man who killed his adoptive Father and being filled with the regret of not being there. Sheamus has come to London to attend the Xavier University in hopes to find himself.

While Sheamus likes to play up the charming,playful and entertaining parts of his personality he is actually quite Bright and suffering through severe regret and pain on the inside.
Sheamus knows how to speak and write in 3 different languages: English,Gaelic,& Latin

Is this a new app for Alen, or for his roommate? I'm asking because although we don't have a time limit on creating new characters, we do ask that new people start with just one character, until they get a feel for the game.

This one is my friend's, he was going to join a while ago, but never told me his username.

Not a mod: I understand power overlap is inevitable with major characters, but the appearance, clothing style, personality, and power are almost the exact same as Gambit. I don't know what others feelings on this kind of thing are, but maybe needs a bit more more uniqueness to the character other than being the Irish version of Gambit.

Pretty much what Gid said. Mutations/powers inspired by existing chars are pretty much inevitable and not really a problem, but combined with the rest it's a little too close.

While i will saw that i did base a lot of my character off of Gambit there were 4 main things that went into the idea of my character.

1.Gambit's Power cause i have always loved his giftr but modified in the way to be used like that and that telekinetic Power from Champions. Ie forming sowrds with your energy and shooting kinetic bullets.

2. The Highlander for the idea of quick healing through the ability known as the quickening

3. My personal Irish Heritage and why i love they idea of playing a Irishman
The abilities I know how to do in real life IE: Martial Arts and Sword and GunPlay.

4. The Boondock saints

It's not like I'm Immortal or Invincible or anything Crazy like that just made what i would invision myself as if i were an X-men.

As for The personality sure i made him a womanizer too, but really thats all my character has in common with gambit is Power and likes woman, He is in now way a thief and his clothes are different from Gambits the only reason my character Wears a trenchcoat from time to time is to cover up the deadpool like weapons rigging belt strapped to his upperbody.

I hope this helps to Clarify things abit.

I just want to play this game like everyone else and I am open to suggestions the Ability/ Power is what i mainly want to keep.

I'm not a mod, but the power seems okay as far as the energy projection/enhanced reflexes go. Not so sure about the healing factor, but that's just me.

I'm fairly certain 'hypnotic charm' is going to be a no-go though.

The name is going to confuse the hell out of Hannah Murphy. This is almost exactly her dad's name.

not a mod, however: I would want to know how effective the healing is, and if he can heal others. If the hypnotic charm was part of his personality, rather than powers, maybe that would be better.

I am a mod. This application doesn't have any major problems, but it does have a large number of small ones, so I'm going to take the app point by point.

Remi McMurphy

Having a character who's name evokes a character from the existing Marvel Universe is fine. Borrowing a powerset is fine. However, doing both is a bit much.

Remi is a mutant whose primary ability is the manipulation of energy. He uses the bio-kinetic energy his body produces to convert the potential energy of non-living matter into kinetic energy. The conversion process, referred to as charging, often results in a violent and powerful explosion. The explosion is proportional to the size of the object.

This is fine. Its a useful power, simple, playable and not over powered. I dig it.

In his first appearance and first demonstration of his powers he charges an object via an aura emitted from his eyes, rather than through physical contact.

I'm not quite sure what this means. Do you mean that he can charge an object simply by looking at it, rather than touching it? That is fine, but if so, I'd like more details about what is range is.

Because energy charges his body, Remi has greater strength, stamina and agility than any non-powered human, able to leap from rooftop to rooftop, run across ropes and powerlines and do a quintuple somersault.

This is also fine.

He also has a hypnotic charm.

Powers that allow your character to godmod another character's reaction are a bad idea, and tend to create drama.

Remi is skilled in Sword Play,Martial arts, Gunplay, hand-to-hand combat, and the Power of Healing through the quickening state.

The healing factor is a bit much, given his other physical enhancements. The abilities that he has through training are fine, but I'm a bit concerned that this character doesn't really have room for development and advancement.

As a side note-All of us, myself included, make errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. However, this is a text medium, and making your posts readable makes things easier and more fun for everyone, and so we try to keep mistakes to a minimum. Please Don't use Capitalization for emphasis Of your Points, bold and italics work just as well and aren't as distracting.

Personality:

Remi's personality is very outgoing and deceptive, Remi loves to charm women, drink at the local pub and make himself known to all. On the inside Remi has a Leader of the Pack mentality and when challenged will do anything to win, which can lead to him being a loner at times against his will. He enjoys Partying, Charming women, causing mischief, Racing Cars and practicing and honing his many skills to be the best. People make him want to be the entertainer. In his spare time, He trains hard to perfect all of his "gifts".

The personality is fine, but combined with the name and the powerset makes him a bit to similar to Gambit for my taste.

Description:

Remi is about 6ft 3", weighing in around 185 lbs. He is of athletic build with shoulder length brown hair, and Hazel eyes. He normally wears a pair of black Jeans, a studded belt. Black Boots, Black fingerless gloves and a red t-shirt. He also wears a giant Celtic Cross around his neck with a emerald jewel in the center.

Again, this reeks of: Gambit! Except he's not Gambit because he's totally and awsomely Irish. Again, a character that is similar to an existing character is fine. But I'd like to see you change up the character a bit, and really make him your own.

When not in school he also wears a gun and sword holder belt and a long black trenchcoat to conceal those weapons.

Yes, this is a comic book. But we try to keep some semblance of connection to reality. In London, people don't customarily wander around heavily armed. Its very, very illegal. Having your character walk around armed for no good reason is going to be a no go.

Background:

Remi's real parents Died when he was a baby. Born in Dublin, Ireland he was an orphan until the age of 5.

Why? I'm not against tragic backstories across the board, but ideally they should serve some purpose.

His Adoptive Father Connor Mcmurphy and his older brother Liam Mcmurphy, took him in and taught him everything he knew, (how to Shoot, how to fight with a sword, how to charm women and Martial Arts). Liam about 8 years older then Remi is a mutant who has the ability to change the perception of what a person sees, Connor on the other hand is a human who devoted much of his life to studying martial arts and weapons play. Conner had to adjust his lifestyle again to accomadate Remi's powers after Remi turned 10 and things he touched started to blow up. Remi learned how to control his powers fully by age 13, At 13 he started working the streets doing parlor tricks and martial art shows entertaining tourists who would visit Dublin. At 18 He started to Travel the world with his adoptive Brother Liam, The 2 of them put on a world Class Illusionist show,

This part is fine. Solid, interesting backstory. I dig it.

Remy and Liam returned home at 20 when word got to them that Connor had been Murdered. Looking for the Man who killed his adoptive Father, Has become one of Remi's top priorities in life. Remi has come to London to seek out "the University" his Older Brother Liam told him about, to further learn and advance his abilities.

Ok, for the record, and I'm not picking on you, I'm just putting it out there because this crops up every so often: Xavier's University isn't Hogwarts. It opened less than a year ago, with a great deal of press and fanfare. They have a website. You can find them on Google Earth.

Now to return to your application. Again, a murdered parent can be a interesting and useful backstory element, but throwing it in here seems to derail things. If he's looking for the man who killed his father, taking a few years out to go to college doesn't make much sense. With what you've got described above, I don't see where he has a lot of room for development left, so using that as a reason to be at XU doesn't make sense.

While Remi likes to play up the charming,playful and entertaining parts of his personality he is actually quite Bright.

Nothing wrong with this bit.

Remi knows how to speak and write in 6 different languages: English,Spanish,Gaelic,Latin, Japanese and Russian

Having a multilingual character is fine, and since he's Irish, knowing how to speak English and Gaelic would be perfectly logical. But with everything going on above, this smacks of adding skills to make your character more awesomer and not because they are logical for the character or add anything for the character.

Again, this is basically a good application, it just needs a bit of tweaking.

I went through a did some editing tell me if this is ok now?

I have a question. If he's gone through all this training, and can already perform such amazing feats, what exactly do you expect him to gain out of going to XU?

He has trained himself very well in how to use and control his powers but he realizes alone he can not advance any further, when he heard about the institute Sheamus realizes there may be others there who can truly help him master his abilities to there fullest potential.

Well see, my issue is this: While XU allows its characters to be the heroes, and its power levels reflect that, this character is more geared towards being the star of an action film. That may be exciting and compelling to you, but it doesn't look like it'll make him much of a team player, especially since his mundane skills are considerable. This guy is practically a commando, and being that far removed from the experiences of his peers is going to make him difficult to play in a way that is both fun for you, and for the other players.

Well what should i change then?? Honestly im out of ideas im not trying to be an "action star" or super strong i figured that by writting a indepth back story and comparing a mutant to a human i would be as well as anyone else playing on here better then 70% of the world populace that average out to being human.

Maybe its the way i have things worded and im willing to change that. I got the whole point of people telling me to change things earlier and i did but when it comes to the power i want to use this is what im sticking with.

Well, you've got him trained to be a traditional Irish warrior, and skilled in martial arts, marksmanship, and swordplay. That's more than a lot of people manage in their lifetime, and certainly above and beyond the average student at the University. We need him a bit more street-level, I feel.

The celtic Warrior thing is a title that he was awarded after spending 2 years with druids learnign the mythology nothing else. edited him took away the gunplay and most martial arts.
and tuned down how much he know of his ability does that work any better??

Dialing down the martial training is a good start. Although it is a good step to have made him less like Gambit, I don't think that turning him into Captain Shamrock is an improvement. I mean, this is the MU, and there probably are secret Druid cults around, but...its a bit much. Yes, the characters have extraordinary abilities, but its important to strike a balance. Right now, everything about this character is extreme, to the point of being implausible.

*bangs head* lol i can't be upset, cause you all do have great valid points. I will do some more Re-writs just let me think about how i can adjust this and we will get this figured out i hope before the weekend.

If you want to run more ideas by us, we're on IRC-- #xaviers on MagicStar. There's usually a bunch of us in there, and it can be good for bouncing off ideas!

Yes, join us in IRC, its much faster to work out the problems. join us. join us.

With the edits, I'm going to give this

Approval 1 of 2.

And now I'll give

Approval 2/2