Minty Fresh

[Will Stanton]

Will showed up for his next ad in a suit and tie, ready to go.

"Hi, I'm looking for casting. Will Stanton?"

[Narrator]

The receptionist looked down at her files.

"Stanton...Stanton...no, I'm not seeing a Stanton here. Did you have a stage name you use?"

[Will Stanton]

"No, no I don't---I'm here for the Colgate ad?"

[Narrator]

"Colgate ad....no, we just have a Monica Steffer listed on the call sheet.

Hold on one moment, I'll call for you."

[Will Stanton]

"Thanks, that would be great," Will said, going to take a seat.

[Narrator]

There was a heated discussion on the phone for a few minutes, and then the receptionist called Will back over.

"Um, yes, Mr. Stanton, they're expecting you down at property. Sorry...um, sorry for delaying you..."

[Will Stanton]

Will walked down the hall towards the prop department, seeing less and less people along the way as he went.

"Hello? Is anyone around?"

[Narrator]

"Oh, you're finally here," an old man said. "Promptness not valued for muties, huh?"

[Will Stanton]

"I'm...I'm sorry, there was some confusion at the desk..."

[Narrator]

"Never mind. Did you need the jumbo-sized?"

[Will Stanton]

"The what?" Will asked, totally lost by this point.

[Narrator]

"Never mind, just come on--we're already behind schedule"

[Will Stanton]

Right...


The set was just your normal, generic bathroom--nothing special, with a woman in pajamas, and a very annoyed looking director.

"Um....sorry if I'm late...I'm here, I'm ready to be caught up to speed..."

[Narrator]

The director sighed.

"This is absolutely ridiculous. I don't care why you were late, comecomecomecomecomecomecomecomecomecome.

You're the mutie, yes?"

[Will Stanton]

"Erm....I suppose so..."

[Narrator]

"Great, here's the thing. It's just not SPARKLING enough. It's flat on camera, dead--nonononoNOnono. That's no good at all, not at all. That's not at all the image we want people to think of when they think of Colgate. It need's PIZZAZZ. It needs to sparkle on screen--that's where you come in. I mean, you CAN do a gel, yes? This is not an issue for you? Great, glad to hear it, strip and get in the tube."

[Will Stanton]

"Wait, WHAT?"

[Narrator]

"You heard me.

Oh, right, right, motivation. Um, lets see...you wanna make things SPARKLE. Things will be fantastic as long as you are around.

...No you don't have any lines, you're fucking toothpaste. Come on, here. We're behind schedule as it is."

[Will Stanton]

So, one embarassing squeeze later, the toothpaste from the tube had been emptied into the sink---and Will found himself in a rather obnoxious position, crammed into a tiny toothpaste tube.

"Alright...alright hold it there. We'll be shooting the intro scenes first."

Intro scenes? Will thought.

The tube was uncomfortable.