Issue 1 Downtime

Will showed up at The Ad Agency ad agency to see what they had for him this time.

"Hello, Mr. Stanton, hello." Mr. Donner said, smiling broadly "Please do come in. Would you care for some tea?"

"That would be lovely yes," he smiled, being polite to that peculiar British custom.

"Please, sit down, do you take sugar?"

"I do indeed. One cu...er...lump."

"Milk? Lemon?" Mr. Donner asked, busying himself with the tea things.

"No, thank you."

"As you wish." Donner replied "Now, Mr. Stanton, we have several offers that might interest you."

"I'm all ears."

"The first one is quite simple." Mr. Donner said "You'd be playing a woman, dressed in skimpy clothing....you can alter the size of your assests, yeah?"

"Erm, yes. Yes I can."

"Good, very good." Mr. Donner said, smiling broadly "The first advert is quite simple, in terms of acting. When it starts, you'll be playing what looks like a young woman, very buxom, very attractive, scantily clad, washing a car. In the most erotic way possible, needless to say. After awhile, the camera pans around, to show the face of the woman, and, this is the clever bit, its the face of of a old woman. Very grandmotherly looking type. Then she winks, and the text says "Morton's Pot Pies". You wouldn't be responsible for the text, naturally."

"....that's the clever bit?"

"Yes, its the surprise, you see." Mr. Donner said "It'll really get people talking."

"Well...I'm not an ad exec, but you really think that would work? It might turn my stomach, a tad..."

"If you're not interested in being in the advert, you need only say so, Mr. Stanton."

"No, no, it's fine. Just curious, that's all..."

"Well, it is a bit high concept, but they want to get everyone's attention." Mr. Donner said "Now, if you are interested" he pushed a piece of paper across the table "The offer is fairly generous"

Will sighed. "Of course, I'd love to."

"Excellent, excellent." Donner said, "Now, that wasn't the only advert we had for you, you're getting to be quite in demand. Now, this next one is for Kalles Kaviar, they are quite keen on expanding more into the British market. Are you familiar?"

"I'm not, no. Some kind of caviar?"

"Kaviar with a K." Donner said "Its a creamed fish roe paste. Its the kind of taste you have to acquire as a small child, which is where the advert comes in. In this one, the idea is that we'll see a family eating breakfast. Daddy is feeding the baby, baby food or something and he'll have none of it. The baby, not the father. You follow me so far?"

"Yeahhh...." he said, dubiously.

"Then Mummy has a go, tries to offer the moppet a banana. Baby screams 'no!'. Then, Daddy gets an idea. He picks up the tube squeezes out some kaviar, and hands it to the baby. The baby takes a bite, and then stands up in is high chair and...you do know how to dance, right?"

"Classically trained."

"Excellent, excellent. Because then the music comes on 'Thats the way I like it' and the baby does a little dance. You'd be playing the baby, naturally."

"...the baby does a little dance?"

"Yes, exactly."

"...sure, why not!"

"Excellent." Mr. Donner said "Now, if you don't have any questions, I've got the contract prepared."

"Fantastic," Will deadpanned. "Let's get that bad boy signed."

Without further ado, Mr. Donner handed him the paperwork.

Will gave a tiny sigh, and signed his dignity away.