Issue 1 Downtime

John arrived for his second appointment with Dr. Webster and entered the office when prompted.

"Please take a seat, John," Croyd said, "Would you like something to drink? I have tea, coffee, soda, juice, and bottles of water."

"No thanks," he answered as he sat.

"How have you been feeling since your last appointment?" Croyd asked.

"Sad and lonely, mostly."

"With what happened recently on campus both of those things aren't entirely uncommon feelings," Croyd said, "If you think that is the source of those two feelings that is."

"It isn't," he said, sighing, "But... grieving my own family is painful enough without more death..."

"What happened since we last talked that's taken you back to grieving about your parents?" Croyd asked.

"It's only been two weeks since I let myself start. I haven't stopped," he answered, not quite fully.

"What has the grieving process been so far?" Croyd asked.

"I've been depressed mostly... but... I'm trying to focus on the good times, and that helps."

"What good times have you been focusing on?" Croyd asked.

"A lot of little things mostly. Lullabies, Christmases, making my favorite foods on my birthday..."

"And there was this one Halloween... my first time trick-or-treating. She somehow talked my father into letting me go, I dressed up like a dragon, and no one was the wiser," he chuckled lightly.

"Sure it was late, it was just the two of us, and there wasn't much candy left... but it was something I'll never forget..." he smiled.

"Those are good memories to focus on," Croyd said with a slight smile. "Remembering the good times is a good way to put yourself in a positive state of mind, so long as you do not dwell on them. The line between the two is certainly a fine one."

"The line?"

"There's a line between dwelling on the past and taking comfort from it," Croyd said.

"And how do I avoid crossing it?"

He really was rusty at this.

"You'll know when those memories stop making you happy and start making you sad instead," Croyd said, "Avoiding it is done by avoiding turning them into a crutch on which you base your happiness."

"I guess I've... never been good at 'living in the now'," he admitted.

"Living in the now isn't easy for anybody," Croyd said, "And people always need to remember to temper it with remembering the lessons of the past, and planning for the future. Think of them as the different legs of a chair. If one leg is too long the chair becomes unstable. The same if one of them is too short. Being happy is partly learning how to balance all three elements."

"How will I know if I'm happy? Before I realized I needed help, I thought I was happy."

"That's a much harder to answer question," Croyd said, "Because nobody is always happy. People experience a broad range of emotion. Another piece of the puzzle is working on how you cope with your emotions. Do you push them away, do you confront them, and so on."

"I know I need to not push them away as much."

"That's a good start," Croyd said.

"After the space mission, I... almost fell back on burying things..."

"Please explain," Croyd said.

"Losing that many people... on top of finally grieving my mother it was just too much. I went to the XUB to drown the pain and I almost."

"Almost what?" Croyd asked.

"Almost did."

"Is this how you've dealt with your pain in the past?" Croyd asked.

"Perhaps a few times..."

"Why?" Croyd asked.

"I suppose it was easier than dealing with what I was feeling," he answered shamefully.