Issue 1 Downtime

Another beautiful summer day was upon the campus. Like many students, Colette had obligations other than her schoolwork; the summer was her chance to earn extra money to pay for her classes and school supplies. And maybe a little extra to have some fun on occasion. But a girl couldn't work all the time, the mornings and afternoons were dead at Xzotic so it gave her a chance to relax.

There were few large trees left on campus, many of them having been damaged during the numerous fights that occurred on school grounds, so the larger and older trees were usually in high demand by nature-loving students. Instead Colette was seated under one of the newer trees, barely more than a sapling, but large enough to provide a little shade and a place for birds to pitch. She was dressed in a yellow airy cotton sundress with a huge floppy sunhat and long white stockings. She was alone in her own little world, her earbuds floating around inside her head as she read her book. Beside her leg were three jars with their lids opened; one of regular Marshmallow fluff, one of the raspberry flavoured variety and the last being the strawberry version. She would periodically dip her pink hand into one of the jars and remove a big glob of the stuff, stuffing it into her mouth and swallowing happily, the blob slowly moving down her face and neck, disappearing from view under her dress.

((open thread))

"Does... does that make you taste like strawberries and raspberries and stuff?" Lucy asked curiously. What had been a little bird hopping from the tree and chirping happily on the ground was now the youngest Grant sister in a little blue bikini (because lots of clothes would weigh her down in flight, of course), looking at the goo-girl curiously.

Colette stopped what she was doing, fingers still in her mouth as she turned to look at Lucy. Having been on campus for some time, and being one of the more unusual things found on campus, she wasn't frightened by the girl's sudden arrival. Just surprised. She pulled her fingers out before saying anything.

"I do not know. I cannot taste myself." She answered in her French accent. "Pardon, but... I did not see you zere before. Allo as well."

"I mean, it just seemed like you might. I don't know. But that would probably get annoying fast when people found out about it and were always asking if they could lick you, so maybe I shouldn't be saying it to put the idea in people's heads. Yeah, that's a good idea. So hi! I'm Lucy!" she said cheerfully, holding out her hand.

"Well, people have asked me similar questions in ze past. Perhaps it would be best for me to know whezer or not it is true so zat I could answer zem honestly?" She mused. Colette grasped Lucy's hand with her own. It wasn't slobbery but it was wet and gooey.

"Oh, je m'excuse. I should have warned you." She said, drawing her hand back. There was a very slight residue left behind. "I can take zat back, sorry."

Lucy just giggled at the squishy feel of her hand. "No, it's okay!" Lucy bubbled. Then she looked at her fingers and shrugged, licking to see if it tasted like berries. Or bubble gum. Or anything.

Well, it tasted like sugar. But given that was pretty much all that Colette ate the fact that she tasted sweet was pretty much inevitable. There were some berry hints but it could have been residue from the fluff rather than a natural flavouring. It wasn't as pleasant as Jello but it was edible. Just a little off-putting when one considered where it came from.

Fortunate, Lucy wasn't exactly, um, 'normal people,' so while she gave a thoughtful look, she didn't seem put off. "Hmm... sweet, but... no, not berries. Well, not too much. Maybe if you, like, ate berry jam for a week and nothing else? But that'd probably get boring. And then people would have to know for it to make any difference and then you'd have to deal with people being dumb about it and saying stuff like 'oy, sugar-pop, let me have a lick!' or 'maybe your bum tastes like grape, let me see!' so it's probably better to just not bother."

Colette began giggling softly.

"'Your bum tastes of grapes'?" She asked, paraphrasing Lucy. "Zat would be a new one, yes. Ze smell of grapeshot." She laughed again, quite amused by the notion.

"Well, that was just once," Lucy said defensively. "And it wasn't my fault, those buggers on the vineyard tour asked me if I wanted to stomp grapes and it sounded like fun because I'd never done it, but it was so SLIPPERY and so I fell on my arse and then all those buggers working there are like 'Oy, luv, let me help you out of those knickers!' and 'Ooh, her bum must taste like grapes, gimme a taste, poppet!'" She made a face, but still giggled a little.

"Are... are you serious? Did zat actually happen?" Colette asked with widening, pink-hued eyes. "Zat is terrible! I hope you gave zem a, how do you English say, a proper zrashing, yes?"

"Well, my sister pulled out a crossbow and that kind of shut them up and made the mouthy ones hurry their arses off away from us while I got some fresh shorts. But then when I got home I was 'berry-bum' for two months."

"Well good for her!" Colette said, looking rather pleased with that outcome. She didn't ask where the crossbow came from. "Do not worry, your secret is safe wiz me Miss Lucy. I am in no position to call someone else 'berry-bum'."

"Yeah, you're the only one who knows that now, so it'd probably be weird explaining it. And people would probably wonder how you knew what my bum was like," Lucy reasoned.

"Eh, my coworkers, zey would not be surprised." Colette said, bobbing her head a little.

"Oh, pardon my manners. Would you like some?" She asked offering a jar of fluff to Lucy.

"Ohhh, no," Lucy said, sighing. "I already had two boxes of sweets today, I eat more and people start saying 'oh, you need to eat more, that much sugar is bad for you!' And I can tell them that I ate a hamburger too, and they don't care, so I just have to keep it down to two boxes of chocolates before dinner."

"It is difficult for me to convince people zat zis is what I need to eat." She said, gesturing to the jars. "I need to eat a lot of sugar, so it is a good zing zat I like sweets, non? Fortunately for me zere are many wonderful bakeries near ze campus."

"I have never met someone who could eat as many sweets as myself however. So you are unique, yes."

"I just like them," Lucy piped up. "That would be sooooooo nice to have to eat like that, without people saying things like 'you're going to start turning into a wee hummingbird' and 'Careful she's going to start making the bench vibrate' and then making weird jokes about that that I don't even get..." She shrugged. "People are weird."

"I may be able to eat whatever I wish but zis does have it's drawbacks." Colette confessed, gesturing to herself. "So perhaps eating artificial sweeteners and fruit instead of contracting diabetes and having your feet cut off is a worthy sacrifice, non?"

Lucy made a face. "Artificial sweeteners are a conspiracy to kill people with a lot of energy," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Well I prefer ze real zing anyway. Artificial sugars give me hardly any energy."

Colette tilted her head, big sunhat sliding a bit on her head.

"You are not a, how you say, 'conspiracy whack job'?"

Lucy frowned, obviously giving that one some serious thought. "Huh. Well... I don't think I am... I think it's just that one... and seriously! Do you know what artificial sweeteners do to hummingbirds?"

"Why would someone give a hummingbird a diet soda?" Colette asked.

"Because calories are bad, don't you know. And hummingbirds have more energy than anything, and do you know what it does to them?" Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial stage-whisper. "It kills them!" She shuddered. "That's why I never eat any of that stuff."

Colette had to think on this for a moment.

"But... chocolat is toxic to animals, it kills dogs and cats. Yet you eat two boxes of it per day. How is zat any different?"

"Because it's chocolate. And artificial sweeteners taste nasty," Lucy said, like that explained everything.

"Someone once told me zat it takes fourteen pounds of chocolate to poison a human being, but zey would pass out from a sugar overdose long before zat was possible. I have never tried it...."