Teasing the gorilla in the monkey house.

[Evil Simon]

Stable though much worse for the wear, Simon had been placed in a more traditional cell than his companions. There were no power nullifying mechanisms, nothing suspended from wires. It was simply one of the reinforced cells, the kind that could stop a tank dead in it's tracks if it tried to ram it, complete with the modest comforts of a bed, a chair and a toilet.

Simon was laying on the bed. He didn't have much else to do.

[Jubilation Lee]

"I brought someone to visit you." Jubilee said, as she entered the area where Evil Simon's cell was. Behind her was Legion, wearing an inhibitor collar but not otherwise restrained.

[Legion]

Legion said nothing.

[Evil Simon]

Simon tore his eyes away from the ceiling to look at Jubilee, then Legion, before slowly sitting up.

"Well, this should prove interesting."

[Jubilation Lee]

"He's decided to see reason, and cooperate." Jubilee said "If you'll do the same, we might be able to make your stay more comfortable. Maybe even put the two of you together."

[Evil Simon]

"So, in short, you want to cut a deal." Simon said. He rubbed his face with his long spindly fingers, his cheeks starting to look grey as the stubble grew in. The stitches in his face were still fresh, the once flawless metrosexual professional look ruined.

"Alright, I'm listening."

[Jubilation Lee]

"You start talking." Jubilee said "I want the details of your operation, who you're working with, where the money is, everything. If your information checks out, and life gets better for you."

[Evil Simon]

"Well, that sounds mighty kind of you." Simon said as he moved to stand up, his tail twitching slightly at a crooked angle. "Though there is one little problem."

He began pacing across the cell, back and forth, as he spoke. "You'll excuse me if I forgo the usual cat and mouse bantering. I never was one for monologues.

"We both know that I have information that you and numerous other police forces of this world wish to possess. My testimony and records would act as damning evidence for many persons and organizations that this and a few other governments wish to put in a little cage just like mine. Some of them might even be more important to, say, MI6 when compared to an unknown such as myself.

"Now, giving up this information would definitely put my life in jeopardy, there is no doubt about that. Though I hardly care. The notion of one of their types getting at me in a place like this is laughable at best and, if you will pardon me for being conceited, I would destroy any number of schmucks who tried to shank me in the shower. So we can toss that out as a reason to be uncooperative.

"No, the problem here is that this information, this evidence, is all that I have. It is the only resource that remains. It is my last bargaining chip. And you want me to hand it over with the promise of benefits."

Simon stopped, his hands clasped behind his back. He turned on his heels and looking straight at Jubilee.

"I have no reason to believe that were I to give you what you wanted you would uphold your end of the bargain. I am in no position to void the deal, information cannot be taken back or forgotten easily. Right now my choices are rot in a cell and tell you nothing, or rot in a cell after telling you everything. I hope you understand that given those options I would act out of spite as I'm certain you would in the same situation.

"So perhaps you should try convincing me that this is worth my interest."

[Jubilation Lee]

"And this is the point where I tell you that we can take the information." Jubilee said "Unfortunately, your mind wouldn't survive, so your choice is really between living in a comfortable cell, or being a vegetable. I think we have something that you want. I get the idea that you and Legion were rather...attached?"

[Legion]

Legion kept staring at the ground, moving one foot around in a circle.

[Evil Simon]

Simon kept staring at Jubilee. That cold stare of an animal.

"Now all you've done is tempted me to call your bluff. I haven't been in this dimension for very long but I have seen that you people do things differently here. I don't think you would follow through on your threat. Also I am certain the gentlemen at Allen and Overy would be quite upset would the found out. As they well should be given the generous retainer they received."

Simon was avoiding talking about Legion, that was becoming more and more obvious.

[Jubilation Lee]

"You're assuming that you'll be able to contact your solicitor." Jubilee replied "Now, you should also consider that Legion has only given us enough that we're willing to consider this offer. He hasn't spilled everything. We could just take the information out of his mind."

[Legion]

"Maybe," Legion stressed.

[Jubilation Lee]

"It might take awhile." Jubilee agreed "I doubt you'd be humanoid once it was done, shifting is usually the first thing to go."

[Evil Simon]

"Actually, it's if I do not contact them that they spring into action. I don't know if you saw the news but I was involved in a little bit of risky business that didn't turn out very well. Anyone with a bit of foresight would make some preparations to ensure that their rights as a detainee were upheld."

When Jubilee talked about Legions contributions Simon smirked. Then he smirked wider.

"You won't get much I'm afraid. Legion is, well, what's a nice way of putting it? Cute but stupid. Maybe that isn't nice but there are certainly worse ways to put it. He might have been around for some of this, maybe seen some things, but he doesn't understand nearly a fraction of what was actually going on. And if he can't understand it then he can't remember it accurately either. This also assumes that I did much of my business with him present.

"Though if you're offering to make baby food out of brains can we put Belial's cranium on the table? I would consider that a personal favor."

[Jubilation Lee]

"Belilal has already been dealt with." Jubilee said "I must say, your attempt to protect Legion is commendable. Stupid and useless, but commendable."

[Evil Simon]

"Has he?" Simon asked. "... a pity. I would have given a Swiss bank account to see that after the aggravation he's caused. He's a monster, you know. An animal. Normally we would have torn out each other's throats but these were special circumstances. I'm certain the brain melting your people are capable of dishing out will be a walk in the park compared to the intentions of his rotted twisted smegma-slimy grey matter."

Simon adjusted the collar of his orange prison jumpsuit, out of habit. "We were having a civil conversation and I've become rude. My apologies."

He turned to look at Legion. "That's right. I've always protected you, haven't I? And what is it that I'm protecting?"

[Legion]

"P...pardon?"

[Evil Simon]

"What are you?" Simon asked in an emotionless tone.

[Legion]

"I am yours..."

[Simon Kipling]

"... that's it?"

[Legion]

"I am..." Will thought, racking his brains..."I am...I am whatever you need..."

[Evil Simon]

Simon looked at Legion quizzically before looking back at Jubilee.

"Did you have someone poke around in his head already or what?"

[Jubilation Lee]

"A bit." Jubilee said coldly.

[Evil Simon]

"Hmm. Maybe you folks aren't as soft as you appear." Simon said before going silent.

"... how comfortable are we talking?"

[Jubilation Lee]

"A couple of these cells, turned into an apartment. You wouldn't be allowed to communicate with the outside world, of course. But you'd have books, television, games, food, and the two of you would be together."

[Evil Simon]

"So, despite all my rage I would still be a rat in a cage." Simon said.

"Not that I ever expected freedom mind you. Despite what you might think, I am not stupid. See I would have pitched the idea of a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific or Atlantic, too far for us to transverse no matter what method Legion might have devised. Some sort of tracking bracelet or check-in system to make sure we were still there, but away from prying eyes. But you wouldn't take that risk. Not that I blame you. A few members of the British parliament might, but I won't."

Simon took the cold metal chair and sat down in it, legs spread casually.

"I'm not prepared to give you everything at once. I want to see at least some of what you promise come into realization. Trading in increments, if you will. But, as a show of good faith I suppose I could tell you about the bomb."

[Jubilation Lee]

"Go on."

[Evil Simon]

"The stadium wasn't originally going to be a hostage situation, you know. I managed to talk him down to this, convince him it would cause more tension this way, for him to feed on. No, the original idea he was quite set upon was a bomb. Maybe you know this, maybe you don't, but ever since the big recession, coupled with the collapse of your old Soviets and the programs taken up in the middle East, nuclear warheads are actually rather easy to obtain if you're willing to spend the money. They're not the strongest in the world, but it'd have made a pretty impressive crater nonetheless."

Simon leaned forward slowly. "Part of the bargain to get him to cooperate was the promise of a different bomb. A smaller one, conventional explosives, but one that would still shock the world.

"Did you know that there is a river that runs under Buckingham Palace? It's contained by an old stone sewer. And the only security feature it has is a heavy iron door to keep the Thames from rushing in."

[Jubilation Lee]

"Is that where the bomb is?"

[Evil Simon]

"Yup." Simon said. "You can get to it via the sewer. Anyone you send should watch their step, there's C4 attached to trip wires along the way. You know, to discourage anyone from disarming it. Which should be a simple task, it's not a professional job, it's just made to get the job done."

Simon proceeded to tell Jubilee the street address where an entrance to the specific sewer tunnel could be found.

"When it's all taken care of, I want to see proof that work has been started on those cells. Then I'll start to feel more talkative."

[Jubilation Lee]

"Thats acceptable." Jubilee said, as she nodded firmly

[Evil Simon]

"Good." Simon said. "I'm glad we can come to some reasonable understanding."

[Jubilation Lee]

Jubilee didn't reply and just headed for the door.

[Evil Simon]

"Oh and Will..." Simon said as Jubilee and he were leaving.

"Next time you want to pretend to be my pet, at least make yourself a little nicer to look at, would you?"

[Will Stanton]

Will, to his credit, didn't respond.

But walking out, he swore.

[Jubilation Lee]

"He was just testing you." Jubilee said, as she hurried to the office.

[Will Stanton]

"I guess, yeah."