Issue 1 Downtime

The X-Teams had brought some of the surviving Tomatoes into the labs in the south side of campus, isolating them in a sound-proof room to prevent accidents.

The logs the teams recovered seemed to indicate that these were, somehow, a natural mutation--one that that Black Air had been attempting to twist to their own needs. A weapon that is entirely undetectable that can trigger at a keyword? That sounds like an amazing tool for assassination. However, their attempts at weening the tomatoes off of humor and onto other keywords had been less than successful, as the experiment log showed. They seemed to have gone through a large number of "Operative Personnel" before discovering that audio recordings seemed to trigger the tomatoes just the same.

"What's wrong with those people that they go through several people before thinking of 'loudspeaker'?" Sara mumbles to herself while going through the files, trying to figure out what could have caused such a specific mutation to occur.

It seemed Black Air hadn't cared about all that; they had done very little research on the subject themselves. They more cared about using it as a weapon, and not the backstory of the tool itself. Maybe that's why they cared less about Will's backstory.

That's not to say that there wasn't a potential connection! A few minutes on Google indicated that the area had spawn an above-average number of comedians, including Eric Idle, Peter Cook Hugh Laurie, Tony Slattery David Mitchell and Richard Ayoade.

"That's... weird. There can't actually be something in the water, can there?" she wonders, going into the genetic code of the tomatoes (assuming Black Air looked into that) to see if she can pinpoint anything that'd hint at where this behavior came from.

From the data that was there, it could quite well have been some sort of evolutionary response to something--perhaps it literally was something in the water. I have no idea, off the top of my head, what external stimulus would provide for such a thing...

"Man I would love to prove that bad jokes are detrimental to a plant's development and this is a defensive mechanism that evolved naturally. I should ask Will and Kev to run an experiment..." she tells herself as she scrolls through the Black Air files to see if they managed to get anywhere at all with their weaponizing.

Spoken: "What's an archeologist? Someone whose career is in ruins."
Result: Tomato clocked at 125 mph. Subject suffered a broken nose.

Spoken: "Three tomatoes are walking down the street- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him… and says, Catch up."
Result: Tomato clocked at 265 mph. Subject rendered unconscious.

Tape Recorder: "2014 is going to be a complex year. We already know the real part; we still have to find the imaginary part".
Result: Supersonic blast detected; computer was completely vaporized by the tomato's kinetic energy. Sensor readings indicate an approximate speed of 3500 km/h (2174 mph).

There were attempts to breed hybrids, surrounding their environment with the key target words on constant repeat. What that seemed to do was make the tomatoes in question seem to key in sharper on specific jokes in that theme--i.e., a target word of "Prime Minister" made them react more to political jokes.

A knock came on her door.

"Come in!" she shouts, not looking up from her screen.

In came the two secrety secret agents from the secret secret agent corporation--agents Fite and Madd!

"I'm glad to see your team came back in one piece, Ms. Stanton," Agent Madd said.

"Oh. It's you." she says politely but somewhat coldly.

"Last time I checked. What've we got?"

"Projectile, bad joke seeking tomatoes."

"Are they safely contained?" Agent Madd said, looking over Sara's shoulder.

"We think so." she lies, hoping that'll discourage any more dumb jokes today.

"Good work. Bloody good work. I'm glad your team was so efficient."

"Thanks. You didn't have to come all the way out here just to tell me, but I'll pass the praise along to the rest of the team."

"We don't want you to think we've forgotten you, or that we're just using you."

"Thanks, but I wasn't under the impression I was being used. If I had the means to find these sites I'd be going after them myself."

"That's what we're here for."

"Exactly. Is there anything else I can help you guys with?"

"Well, we'd like to learn more about the anomalous objects you've brought back. Perhaps they can have some use to benefit the British public."

"How?"

I'm not liberating a potential weapon from one agency just to hand it to another.

"We have here, from your report, essentially something gifted with a sense it didn't already have. Perhaps it can be used to cure deafness, or to react to inclement weather to protect crops.

I'm not a scientist."

"Maybe not, but that was kind of the answer I was hoping for."

"You were afraid we were going to say military uses."

It wasn't a question.

"Obviously."

"We're not directly involved with the military, Mrs. Stanton. I won't deny that there are potential military uses for some of these things, and that some may get used that way--but that's not our intention."

"Then I hope you do your best to make sure that they don't."

"You object to your country being safer?"

"Last time I checked that is exactly what Black Air claims their goal is."

"We represent your elected government, though. A government that's working with you to counter what Black Air has done."

"And so did Black Air at one point." she sighs. "Look, I believe you. I just don't want somebody else out there to get their hands on this stuff and get any terrible ideas."

"Well, remember, government programs have given all of us a better life. GPS, the epipen, duct tape--all military inventions."

"And mass-produced antibiotics and nuclear reactors. I know."

"I know it's a common reaction among you people to not trust higher-ups in suits, but we do have your best interests in mind."

"Right, but I'm sure you can see how dealing with Black Air leaves one with some trust issues. Anyway, there's a sample plant in a sound-proof container over there. Try not to slapstick on your way out, we're still trying to determine whether they react purely to sound."

"Oh, we weren't planning to leave just yet. We'd like to share with you the fruits of our research, about your husband."

"What's this now?"

"We've been working on some ideas to separate Mr. Stanton from the nanobots, and our scientists have some interesting avenues they've been going down."