Issue 1 Downtime

John knocked on the office door. He didn't have an appointment.

"Come in," Croyd said.

John entered, a worried look on his still-not-entirely-back-to-normal face.

Croyd was in the process of putting away a folder when John came in.

"Ah, Mr. Hino," Croyd said, "Please take a seat. Would you like something to drink?"

"No thanks..." he said, clumsily taking a seat.

"What would you to talk about, Mr. Hino?" Croyd said

"I... I attacked someone..."

"Tell me what happened," Croyd said.

"Some of Teri's swarm landed on me and... something snapped... I said these horrible, cruel things to her and then she... hugged me..."

He rubbed his face worriedly.

"I threw her against a wall. For hugging me. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"You have just been through a rather traumatic series of events back on the island," Croyd said, "Including chemical manipulation. Those are not things you get over quickly, Mr. Hino."

"I know that. But... I was acting like him."

"Like who?" Croyd asked.

"Apophis," he answered, cringing at the chosen moniker of his evil double.

"I don't think Apophis would come see me after having an incident with another student," Croyd said, "Are you feeling like that right now?"

"Not right now. The dark impulses come and go. That's the worst it's been since the rescue."

"Are these episodes of dark impulses occurring frequently?" Croyd asked.

He nods worriedly.

"... I haven't felt this inhuman in years."

"Much of this is likely caused by the agent you were exposed to on the island," Croyd said, "And the antidote not working as quickly as was expected, Mr. Hino."

Croyd leaned forward on his desk.

"The feeling of inhumanity though may stem from the more bestial appearance that you and many of the others took on because of exposure to the agent. However, your form changing doesn't change who you are. I know that better than most because my features can change quite...regularly. It isn't something that is always easy to deal with and I understand that. However, remembering that you are still you no matter what happens can help."

"It feels like more than that."

"Oh?" Crody asked.

"It feels like something is there that wasn't before. In my head."

"Like something new is there?" Croyd asked.

"I..." he started, hesitating "...yes. New."

It was clear enough that he desperately wanted to believe that over the alternative.

"Tell me about it," Croyd said.

"A voice... I guess... a cruel, selfish, and savage one."

"Is this alongside the normal feral desires that are typically present with people with your type of mutation?" Croyd asked.

"I've never really had much of an issue with that."

"Not even when you were younger?" Croyd asked.

John took a moment to think about it.

Did I? Surely I should have.

"Not that I remember at the moment, aside from being caught eating bugs a couple of times."

"What happened when you were caught eating bugs?" Croyd asked.

"I got grounded. Longer and with even fewer privileges the second time."

"It is possible that because you received negative reinforcement in regards to your feral instincts that you've suppressed them since you were younger," Croyd said, "I think that may be at least partl od the reason for what you're experiencing now. You've spent such a long time suppressing that side of yourself that when that side came to the forefront on the island you created another... self to compensate."

"Wouldn't that take... more than being grounded a couple of times?"

"It negative reinforcement was given during the nascent stages of your mutation it is possible," Croyd said, "It depends on how much you worked to suppress that side of yourself after you were punished for the behavior."

"Maybe... it just... feels like I'm not remembering something."

"Oh?" Croydon asked. "Perhaps something else from your childhood?"

"Probably. I just don't remember."

"There are many things I can do, John," Croyd said, "But I can't uncover memories you've hidden from yourself with any degree that I haven't somehow influence them or you. It's something you'd have to ask a telepath to help with. It's the only way that those memories can become uncovered without undo influence upon them or your opinion of them."

He sighed, "... anything to stop me from losing control again."

"The only thing I can suggest is that you try to think on the past," Croyd said, "If there are memories that you've repressed that is one way to uncover them without telepathic assistance, but it is by no means a sure method."

"It may also help you with control of your feral side. You have to come to understand the urges you feel and why you feel them, John. There is no simple answer to that question."