Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Will Stanton** » Thu May 08, 2014 2:47 am

OK, THIS episode. Barrin, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this one.

TOS 2x23: Patterns of Force, or SCHABLONEN DER GEWALT

I believe we are waiting.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu May 08, 2014 2:50 am

I don't understand why this episode exists. That is all.

Red Shirt Count: 429
Actual Death Count: 36
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 130
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Sat May 10, 2014 2:06 am

Hrmmm. Hrmmmm. These Kelvins might have the right idea.

TOS 2x21: By Any Other Name, or STEIN UND STAUB

*Takes notes*

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat May 10, 2014 2:12 am

STONE AND DUST

Well, I learned how that plot thread is going to be resolved today. Kevin, we need you to go make out with Mira until she's less of a butt. Also, Sam, we need you to drink her under the table.

Red Shirt Count: 430 (Ensign Black Guy nnoo---wait, they killed the yeoman?)
Actual Death Count: 36
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 130
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Mon May 12, 2014 1:28 am

Coming Thursdays on NBC, a show to replace Star Trek, which will almost certainly be cancelled, barring an unheard of letterwriting campaign.

TOS 2x26: Assignment: Earth, or EIN PLANET GENNANT ERDE

I can't wait to watch the exciting adventures of Gary Seven and Robert Lincoln, and their cat Isis!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon May 12, 2014 1:39 am

A PLANET CALLED EARTH

What the hell was that? Why was the cat also a cat-lady? Why is Kirk so stupid? Why did they just time-travel to the 20th century for shits and giggles? Why didn't they look up the whole rocket thing in their database? Why was Roberta so ditzy but able to crack a safe?

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Mon May 12, 2014 2:32 am

I. AM. KIROK!

TOS 3xo3: The Paradise Syndrome, or DER OBELISK

Well, his lighthouse sucked!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon May 12, 2014 2:38 am

Thank god this had a convenient one-button deflector beam panel. And also an amnesia beam for no reason. And also also, white man's burden up in this Star Trek.

Red Shirt Count: 430
Actual Death Count: 36
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Roland Sackville** » Tue May 13, 2014 2:11 am

ASHLIE and Roland, sitting in a tree.

TOS 3x21: Requiem for Methuselah, or PLANET DER UNSTERBLICHEN

I've met that Flint guy. He's an asshole.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue May 13, 2014 2:16 am

She died from too many feels. I really wanted her to go "Fuck both of you, I choose myself." *kickflips into an awesome rocketship and flies away*

Red Shirt Count: 433 +3 Space Plague!
Actual Death Count: 37 +1 Android
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 22

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Thu May 15, 2014 1:49 am

Wait, are the O-rions different then the o-RI-ons?

TAS 2x01: The Pirates of Orion, or DIE PIRATEN VON ORION

Five frames of animation.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu May 15, 2014 1:54 am

The Animated Series never disappoints in being absolutely terribly hilarious.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun May 18, 2014 2:27 am

Gad DAMN, but Kirk is harsh.

TAS 1x01: Beyond the Farthest Star, or DAS KÖRPERLOSE WESEN

Cool idea for a ship, though. I like it when they do things they couldn't in live action.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun May 18, 2014 2:29 am

THE DISEMBODIED BEING

I'll give them that they're trying to utilize the medium to do new things that live action wouldn't allow. But then they blow it by animating less than 10% of the screen most of the time.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue May 20, 2014 2:02 am

It's time for Khan's favorite character!

TAS 1x10: Mudd's Passion, or DER LIEBESKRISTALL

LOOK AT THAT COMB-OVER.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue May 20, 2014 2:06 am

THE LOVE CRYSTAL

Oh boy! That sure was an episode. And not at all problematic in any way!

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Tue May 20, 2014 2:08 am

See? I'm not the only one that feels that way.

TAS 2x05: How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth, or KULKULKAN -- DER MÄCHTIGE

Kulkulkan's a good guy. We got drunk on Sirius 7.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue May 20, 2014 2:11 am

KUKULKAN THE POWERFUL

Flying serpent thing, why do you wait until the electric cat breaks free to land? Did you get tired? Why are you so petty? Why didn't you actually give every culture the complete plans instead of scattering that shit around on several continents? No wonder your space-telephone never rang. You may be powerful but you're not very bright, snake-face.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue May 20, 2014 2:55 am

How bad can TNG get? Cannibalism bad!

TNG 1x07: Lonely Among Us, or DIE GEHEIMNISVOLLE KRAFT

P! P for Picard!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue May 20, 2014 3:00 am

THE MYSTERIOUS FORCE

Picard didn't remember a thing of what happened after the transport. They even say they're using the pattern that was recorded when he beamed into the energy cloud. Basically there's still a pure-energy version of Picard out there somewhere. Also, peace delegates hunting and eating each other on the Enterprise, sound like a job for Someone Else™ *whacky music plays, episode ends*

Red Shirt Count: 434 (+1 Death by Computer Panel)
Actual Death Count: 37
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 23 (+1 Stop making the rest of the crew look bad by solving all the problems, Wesley)

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Wed May 21, 2014 1:01 am

ATLANTIS KILLED BY O-ZONE LAYER!

TNG 1x17: When the Bough Breaks, or DIE SORGE DER ALDEANER

Nuclear reactor! 21st Century Earth!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Wed May 21, 2014 1:03 am

THE WORRY OF THE ALDEANS

This environmental awareness message is brought to you by Gene Roddenberry and a bunch of child actors.

by **Altamira Vazquez** » Wed May 21, 2014 1:49 am

See? All life is beautiful, even if it lives in wet sand. That's KIND of like clay, right?

TNG 1x18: Home Soil, or EIN PLANET WEHRT SICH

Should I start calling Will Microbrain?

by **ASHLIE** » Wed May 21, 2014 1:58 am

A PLANET FIGHTS BACK

Ugly bags of mostly water, why do you fail to recognize the superior crystalline lifeform?

by **Will Stanton** » Wed May 21, 2014 2:45 am

Picard gets a romantic past, and it's boring as shit

TNG 1x24: We'll Always Have Paris, or BEGEGNUNG MIT DER VERGANGENHEIT

Does...does the Eiffel Tower MOVE in the 24th century?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Wed May 21, 2014 2:47 am

ENCOUNTER WITH THE PAST

The incredibly boring, lacking-in-character past. That has NO bearing on the plot whatsoever, despite several scenes talking about parallel universes.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu May 22, 2014 2:31 am

Poochie: The episode!

TNG 2x04: The Outrageous Okona or DER UNMÖGLICHE CAPTAIN OKONA

You're a droid, and I'm a 'noid.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu May 22, 2014 2:34 am

Okona died on the way back to his home planet.

What the flying fuck was this? Star Trek, you're bad at humor. Stop trying to do humor. Ugh.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun May 25, 2014 1:24 am

I know what I hate. And I don't hate this!

TNG 2x10: The Dauphin, or DIE THRONFOLGERIN

Season 2 + Romantic Story + Wesley ==... NOT horrible? Whazza?

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun May 25, 2014 1:27 am

THE HEIRESS

That was surprisingly bearable. Get it? Cause they turned into bear-monsters?

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 37
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 24 (+1 Shut up Wesley, Riker's getting his flirting on.)

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Sun May 25, 2014 2:12 am

THE ULTIMATE EVOLUTION IN THE MARTIAL ARTS

TNG 2x14: The Icarus Factor, or RIKER'S VATER

Also, Data and Geordi throw Worf a surprise party!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun May 25, 2014 2:14 am

This surprise party sucks! Thank to Team Social Competence: Wesley, Geordie and Data.

Meanwhile, Troi spouts some stupid gender non-sense about human males that applies equally to her and her mom.

Red Shirt Count: 434
Actual Death Count: 37
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 131
Cameo Count: 40
Shut Up Wesley Count: 25 (+1 Enough!)

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -8
Torpedoes: -44
People: 127
Janeway'd: 4

by **Will Stanton** » Sun May 25, 2014 3:01 am

Send in the clones! And also, the space irish

TNG 2x18: Up the Long Ladder, or DER PLANET DER KLONE

Abortion is apparently A-OK in the Trek universe, if performed via phaser.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sun May 25, 2014 3:01 am

Klingon Tea Ceremony? Klingon Tea Ceremony. I'll have some of that poison tea now, please.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue May 27, 2014 2:54 am

Oh god, it's Troi's Mom.

TNG 2x19: Manhunt, or ANDERE STERNE, ANDERE SITTEN

Riker's face when he learns Betazoid sex drive can more than quadruple...

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue May 27, 2014 2:58 am

OTHER STARS, OTHER CUSTOMS

Riker's facial expressions were the only things that made this episode bearable. I would have preferred 42 minutes of Worf complimenting the appearance of weird fish aliens.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu May 29, 2014 1:39 am

Worf is a ~TERRIBLE~ father.

TNG 5x10: New Ground or DIE SOLITON-WELLE

Man, shoulda sent Alexander to Klingon school when you had the chance.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu May 29, 2014 1:40 am

THE SOLITON WAVE

Good god Alexander is terrible. And so is the kid playing him.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu May 29, 2014 2:25 am

Not ALL empaths...

TNG 6x03: Man of the People, or DER UNMORALISCHE FRIEDENSVERMITTLER

The Portrait of Dorian Troi.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu May 29, 2014 2:32 am

THE IMMORAL PEACE NEGOTIATOR

This episodes says a lot about how the writer of this episode felt about female sexuality. Good lord. And then the guy died from 'too much emotion' which were just his regular feelings. Oy.

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