Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 8:39 am

TEMPORAL PARADOXIA

Apparently using the Slipstream Drive in 16 second bursts never occured to them or something? I'm getting the impression the main reason why Voyager hasn't made it back to the Alpha Quadrant in years is due to their own incompetence.

Red Shirt Count: 113
Actual Death Count: 6
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 11.5
Cameo Count: 11 (Captain Geordie!)
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 35
People: 138

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 10:00 am

Man, Voyager goes fast <_<

VOY 5x26: Equinox, or EQUINOX, TEIL I

Uh, Cap'n Ransom, your ship's a little...you know, old and busted.

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 10:01 am

Man, how the fuck did Voyager not manage to bust that messed up ship's engines in like a second? Again, they must be hella incompetent.

Red Shirt Count: 114
Actual Death Count: 6
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 11.5
Cameo Count: 11
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 35
People: 137

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:00 am

Can't leave it there! VOY 6x01: Equinox, Part II or EQUINOX TEIL II

And we will not speak of this again, upon penalty of expulsion.

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:03 am

That was... something. One thing's for certain though, Janeway sucks and somewhere in the galaxy Picard is face-palming hard in the general direction of the Delta Quadrant.

Red Shirt Count: 117 (+3 due to CGI attacks)
Actual Death Count: 6
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 11.5
Cameo Count: 11
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28 (-7 torpedoes fired to take out on piddly science ship)
People: 139 (-3 but +5 from the Equinox)

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:48 am

Computer! Activate...the Photonic Canon. VOY 6x04: Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy, or DAME, DOKTOR, AS, SPION

Resist.

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:53 am

QUEEN, DOCTOR, ACE, SPY (A play on Bube, Dame, König, Ass - Jack, Queen, King, Ace)

That was a very Doctor Whoish episode. It was good but it feels like that was mostly because the show was trying not to be Star Trek Voyager. Plus the Doctor is the best character of the show so that helped.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:53 pm

Well, time to wrap up Voyager for this go-through with VOY 6x12: Blink of an Eye or ES GESCHAH IN EINEM AUGENBLICK

I shall call it The Weird Planet Where Time Moved Very Fast and So Did the People who Lived There

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:59 pm

IT HAPPENED IN A MOMENT

That was a cool episode but damn did they waste a bunch of opportunities. This would have made a great two-parter but as it is it's "only" a good episode.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:11 pm

And we bounce back to the very beginning AND ending. Ooooo, dramatic.

Enterprise! I'VE GOT FAITH! IN THE HAAAHHH...DA DA DA DA DA YA DA DA

ENT 2x23: Regeneration or REGENERATION

Archer, maybe you wanna, I dunno, write this down? Take a note?

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:36 pm

That was kinda dumb, to be honest. Not a bad episode but what the fuck? Did no one make a note of this?

Red Shirt Count: 134 (+17 Assimilated and blown up)
Actual Death Count: 6
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 11.5
Cameo Count: 11
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 3:26 pm

Glitter sparkle!

ENT 3x08: Twilight or DÄMMERUNG

We're not counting six billion red-shirts are we?

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 3:29 pm

DUSK

The time-line in the TrekVerse must be one gigantic mess. Could they maybe go a couple years without rewriting history one way or the other? Eesh. No wonder people like Q are annoyed by humans.

Red Shirt Count: 134
Actual Death Count: 6
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 12.5 (+1 half-naked storming onto the bridge)
Cameo Count: 11
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 5:56 pm

Movin' through: ENT 3x22: The Council or DER RAT

I don't remember ANY of this.

by **Sara Stanton** » Mon Apr 16, 2012 2:05 am

I can't say that Enterprise is convincing me. Even with my limited experience it just doesn't feel very "Star Trek" and the characters are kinda bland and forgettable...

Red Shirt Count: 134
Actual Death Count: 7
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 11
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:02 pm

Oh no! Space insects

ENT 3x23: Countdown or COUNTDOWN!

...Countdown.

by **Sara Stanton** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:05 pm

Enterprise is meh. That's all I'm gonna say.

Red Shirt Count: 134
Actual Death Count: 8 (I guess this doesn't quite count as a red-shirt death)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 11
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:53 pm

And we finish our first go round with the very last episode of Star Trek...so far.

ENT 4x22: These Are the Voyages... or DIES SIND DIE ABENTEUER

Anyone want to hear the speech? Anyone? Anyone?

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 3:01 pm

Arcs we watched:

Cyrano Jones and Tribbles
Arne Darvin
Encounter At Farpoint
Humanity on Trial
Borg and First Contact
The Best Of Both Worlds
The Chain of Command
Descent
Riker and the USS Pegasus
All Good Things
Tain's Plot
Changeling Infiltraition
The Way of the Warrior
Starfleet Coup
Dominion Invasion
Internment Camp 371
Scorpion
Equinox

by **Sara Stanton** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 3:07 pm

THESE ARE THE ADVENTURES...

That was... kind of a lame series finale. It was a fine episode but to end the whole thing it was kinda bleh. Also, Riker got pudgy.

Red Shirt Count: 134
Actual Death Count: 8
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 14 (Riker, Troi and Data's voice)
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

And now, The Ranking

Series
The Next Generation
Deep Space Nine
Voyager
Original Series
Enterprise
Animated Series

Captains
Picard
Sisko
Kirk
Archer
Janeway

First Officers
Riker
Spock
Kira
T'pol
Chakotay

Doctors
McCoy
Emergency Medical Hologram Mark 1
Bashir
Phlox
Crusher

Engineers
Scotty
LaForge
O'Brien
Torres
Tucker

Ships
Defiant
Enterprise-D
Enterprise
NX-01
Voyager

Most Annoying Character
TOS: Chekov
TNG: Wesley
DS9: Jake
VOY: Janeway
ENT: They're all kinda bland

Best Character
TOS: Kirk
TNG: Picard (Riker as the permanent 2nd place)
DS9: Garak
VOY: Emergency Medical Hologram Mark 1
ENT: They're all kinda bland

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 6:41 pm

And we loop back to The Next Generation--the BEST generation!

TNG 2x03: Elementary, Dear Data or SHERLOCK DATA HOLMES

The game is a-foot!

by **Sara Stanton** » Fri Apr 20, 2012 6:43 pm

Sentient programming! Though I still don't quite get why they can't convert holodeck energy into matter.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:52 pm

Moving on to the Romulany Romulan bits with TNG 3x10: The Defector or DER ÜBERLÄUFER

This is how Picard rolls.

by **Sara Stanton** » Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:54 pm

Shoulders, holy crap. Romulans still look like talking pillows. Good episode though. Klingon sneak-attack!

Red Shirt Count: 134
Actual Death Count: 9 (Alas, poor Pillowcase)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 14
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:36 am

Battle log! Report! TNG 3x15: Yesterday's Enterprise or DIE ALTE ENTERPRISE!

Let's kill Tasha off even better!

by **Sara Stanton** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:41 am

THE OLD ENTERPRISE

Seriously, how many alternate timelines are there in the Star Trek Universe? xD

Red Shirt Count: 259 (+125 people died who technically already had but I'm still counting it)
Actual Death Count: 10 (+1 One retconned death, coming right up!)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 15 (Tasha Yar, I suppose)
Shut Up Wesley Count: 8

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:40 am

And we begin the whole klingony duras thing with 3x17 Sins of the Father or DIE SÜNDEN DES VATERS

Worf_Honor_Status: OFF

by **Sara Stanton** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:40 am

~*Klingons*~

Red Shirt Count: 259
Actual Death Count: 10
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 15
Shut Up Wesley Count: 9 (+1 Klingon-Style)

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:07 pm

And, the logical next episode to watch would be TNG 3x23: Sarek or BOTSCHAFTER SAREK

This episode is just for Patrick Stewart Acting Skills and Wesley Getting Slapped

by **Sara Stanton** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 2:08 pm

AMBASSADOR SALEK

"I see what you mean." Yes Worf, I'm sure you do.

Red Shirt Count: 259
Actual Death Count: 10
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 16 (+1 It's Spock's Daaaaad!)
Shut Up Wesley Count: 11 (+2 Shouting!)

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 3:19 pm

And now, the second most Spinery episode ever: Brothers or DIE UNGLEICHEN BRÜDER

TEN POUNDS OF MAKEUP

by **Sara Stanton** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 3:20 pm

THE UNEVEN BROTHERS

Well duh, one is obviously evil.

Red Shirt Count: 259
Actual Death Count: 11 (+1 RIP Noonian Soong)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 16
Shut Up Wesley Count: 12 (+1 Just because)

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:12 pm

HONOR DEMANDS WE MOVE ON! TNG 4x07: Reunion or TÖDLICHE NACHFOLGE

K'PLAH!

by **Sara Stanton** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:14 pm

DEADLY SUCCESSION

Worf, you are the worst fucking parent. Seriously.

Red Shirt Count: 259
Actual Death Count: 13 (+2 Duras and K'Ehleyr)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: 13.5
Cameo Count: 16
Shut Up Wesley Count: 12

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: 2
Torpedoes: 28
People: 139

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:59 am

And the VERY NEXT EPISODE, as Trek goes on it's hottest run: TNG 4x08: Future Imperfect or GEDÄCHTNISVERLUST!

You are incapable of that level of incompetence!

by **Sara Stanton** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:02 pm

MEMORY LOSS

They got Troi's incompetence down though! And I guess Riker is the go-to guy for getting his head messed with by aliens.

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:51 pm

Season 4 was a hit list: TNG 4x11: Data's Day or DATAS TAG

You lunkhead.

by **Sara Stanton** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:53 pm

Data's adorkable. That is all. Also, Spot (this one at least) is like some closely related to Hicks' race.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:06 pm

Ah, Deep Space....wait, what, NOT Deep Space Nine? OK. TNG 4x12: The Wounded or DER RACHEFELDZUG

Keiko, you suck at food.

by **Sara Stanton** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:09 pm

THE REVENGE CAMPAIGN

Picard doing Picard things the Picard way, not starting a war with his Picardness.

Almost 700 Cardassian red-shirts but since we're being spacist (space-racist) here we're only counting ~~human~~ Federation red-shirts.

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