Star Trek: The Nerdification of Barrin

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:45 am

How the Klingons got their Smooth Back

ENT 4x16: Divergence, or DIE ABWEICHUNG

A "Just So" story this ain't.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:53 am

An explanation of a thing that needed no such thing. Peppered with a bunch of pointless references. Welcome to Enterprise.

by **Will Stanton** » Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:55 am

DEATH TO NON-HUMANS!

ENT 4x20: Demons, or DÄMONEN

No! Not Tucker and T'Pal's space baby!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:57 am

How the fuck is nobody guarding the gigantic space laser? Since when does Star Trek have gigantic "shoot the moon" space lasers? Why is Terra Prime's hotbed the fucking moon and not, you know, Earth? What's with all the clandestine shit? This isn't Star Trek. >(

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:14 am

*Stands up, slow claps*

*Notices he's the only one*

*Sits back down*

ENT 4x21: Terra Prime, or TERRA PRIME

Long Live Terra Prime *now based on Mars*

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:20 am

Enterprise sucks. That is all.

Red Shirt Count: 441 (Random fucking suicide out of nowhere)
Actual Death Count: 41 (RIP Elizabeth 2.0)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: Capped
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 26

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -9
Torpedoes: -47
People: 124
Janeway'd: 7

by **Stan Bowen** » Fri Aug 22, 2014 7:56 pm

And now, an intermission!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O2XOLoeBPEk

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:29 am

As if Bashir couldn't be MORE annoying.

DS9 1x09: The Passenger, or DER PARASIT

Apparently, you can beam out individual brain cells.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:31 am

Shit acting and shit science. Excellent! And a bonus execution on top.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:29 am

In honor of Robin Williams' passing, Star Trek ruins Jumanji.

DS9 1x10: Move Along Home, or CHULA -- DAS SPIEL

Allamaraine...

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:32 am

Well, that certainly was some garbage.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Sep 01, 2014 12:49 am

Once! There was a village. And it was dumb.

DS9 1x14: The Storyteller, or DIE LEGENDE VON DAL'ROK

Hey, it was less painful than Nog and Jake awkwardly flirting.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Sep 01, 2014 12:54 am

The Bajorans are so dumb it literally hurts them. And blows up rocks.

by **Will Stanton** » Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:40 am

Bashir, god damn it. No means no.

DS9 1x16: If Wishes Were Horses, or MACHT DER PHANTASIE

Nikstlitslepmur.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:41 am

POWER OF FANTASY

The difference between Bajorans and Sisko is that when his imagination threatens to destroy him, Sisko just wills the problem out of existence.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Sep 06, 2014 1:11 am

DID YOU SEE THE MESSAGE?

DS9 2x06: Melora, or DAS "MELORA"-PROBLEM

Bashir you've...never been in low gravity? You live in SPACE.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Sep 06, 2014 1:14 am

It's not a bad message but damn the episode wants you to get it. Though treatment that makes the majority of your life not-shit AND protects you from phaser-shots seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Sep 06, 2014 2:00 am

DID I TELL YOU HOW AWESOME I AM?

DS9 2x09: Second Sight, or RÄTSELHAFTE FENNA

She gives off a vague Dark Phoenix-vibe.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Sep 06, 2014 2:02 am

His ego was so massive, it ignited a sun. She was so boring, when she made up a personality it literally fled from her body.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Sep 11, 2014 11:53 pm

Ladies....

DS9 2x10: Sanctuary ,or AUGE DES UNIVERSUMS

Surely, the Bajorans could never live with a people who live their life by vague, dumb prophecies! That's crazy talk.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Sep 11, 2014 11:59 pm

I feel like there was this vague sense of this episode not quite having the balls to say what it wanted to say about refugees and promised lands and a group of persecuted people. So instead it just kinda wobbled around pointlessly and had them refuse a perfectly fine planet for no reason. As in they literally never outright said why they were so set on Bajor beyond vague "But we're farmers, that'll probably be helpful despite the Cardassians having salted the earth like the dicks they are!".

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Sep 12, 2014 12:44 am

What are the odds of this episode sucking so much!

DS9 2x11: Rivals, or RIVALEN

Ladies...

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Sep 12, 2014 12:46 am

That was actually kind of a fun episode.

by **Will Stanton** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 2:02 am

If these shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended:

DS9 3x10: Fascination, or DAS FESTIVAL

Woo, Troi episode! Woo...woo.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 2:06 am

That episode had about 10 seconds of genuinely funny bits and 44 minutes and 50 seconds of excruciating awkwardness.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Sep 20, 2014 12:53 am

Odo is helping!

DS9 3x13: Life Support, or DER FUNKE DES LEBENS

And so Bareil died. So sad.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Sep 20, 2014 12:58 am

Much sad, very negotiator. You could hardly tell a difference between beep-boop Bareil and regular, snooz-tastic Bareil. Meanwhile, the Ferengi are garbage and so are the writers who came up with this shitty shitty B-plot.

Red Shirt Count: 441
Actual Death Count: 42 (Bye bye Bareil)
Ripped Shirt/Bare Chest Count: All of them
Cameo Count: 42
Shut Up Wesley Count: 26

Bonus Voyager Tracker
Shuttles: -9
Torpedoes: -47
People: 124
Janeway'd: 7

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Sep 20, 2014 1:46 am

Odo and Lwaxana actually play decently sometimes as a Will/Sam inspiration---when Lwaxana is dialed down to, oh, 4 or so.

DS9 4x21: The Muse, or DIE MUSE

THe less said about Jake's plot, the better.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Sep 20, 2014 2:00 am

THE MUSE or The PG Succubus

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Sep 27, 2014 2:22 am

Some people want to fill the world with Ferengi Love Songs....and that's bad.

DS9 5x20: Ferengi Love Songs, or LIEBE UND PROFIT

In this episode, the negus comes out of the closet!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Sep 27, 2014 2:27 am

LOVE AND PROFIT or "How Quark fucked everything up and then fixed it again"

Ferengi episodes are bad and this was no exception. The best I can say is that it could have been worse.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Oct 04, 2014 1:00 am

Ah, the first time Voyager uses the reset button. It's historic!

VOY 1x04: Time and Again, or SUBRAUMSPALTEN

IT'S A METAPHOR FOR NUCLEAR ENERGY,DID YOU GET IT.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Oct 04, 2014 1:03 am

No wonder the time-police eventually came after Janeway. Double-breaking the Prime Directive and the Time Directive. Two wrongs don't make a right Janeway!

Deaths: ~~Billions of people~~ NOBODY DIED, OKAY?

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:01 am

How Neelix Got His Lungs Back

VOY 1x05: Phage, or TRANSPLANTATIONEN

That's the power of luuuungs.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:07 am

Why can Kes donate one lung but they can't take one back from the Veridian dude? This made no fucking sense. Also, way to "name the plague after a real thing" and then pick something that specifically targets prokaryotes, ie bacterial cells. You suck so hard at Biology, Voyager writers.

by **Will Stanton** » Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:53 am

Ha-ha, prime directive rebound.

VOY 1x10: Prime Factors, or DAS OBERSTE GESETZ

Oh no, pre-plot Seska!

by **Nailah Weaver** » Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:54 am

Man, Janeway gets upset when people who aren't her decide to break the rules.

by **Will Stanton** » Fri Oct 10, 2014 2:03 am

They don't even TRY to explain the holodeck anymore.

VOY 1x12: Heroes and Demons, or HELDEN UND DÄMONEN

Janeway: torturing new life forms from season one on.

by **Nailah Weaver** » Fri Oct 10, 2014 2:04 am

The Holodeck, as we all know, uses a combination of Transporter Technology and Magic.

by **Will Stanton** » Sun Oct 12, 2014 1:57 am

This episode was futile.

VOY 2x12: Resistance, or DIE RESISTANCE

God, Caylem was annoying.

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