"The World Cup is Still On", Declares Prime Minister

[Narrator]

LONDON--"It most certainly is still on. We wouldn't dream of...are you kidding? England will be proud to host the cup."

Bold words from Prime Minister William Bailey yesterday, after the recent assaults on London...but, as it turns out, he's more or less right.

Bailey was quoted today after being asked about the reconstruction efforts on Wembley Stadium, Emirates, and Stamford Bridge, all slated to be key venues for the 2022 World Cup, set to be held here in England this coming August--barring another alien invasion or dimensional mishap, of course. Still, , Sao Paolo's 2018 Cup DID go off without a hitch despite the Skrull incidents of that year, so it appears that, with only a slight delay to finish repair and security work, we WILL go football crazy once again, with the whole world invited. London, Manchester, Newcastle, Sunderland, Liverpool, Birmingham--all will be ready to cheer--and jeer--the biggest sporting event in the world.

With that in mind, let's preview the groups, shall we?

GROUP A
England--France--Nigeria--South Korea
What luck to get the hated French right off the bat! Imagine the sound of Wembley when they come marching in to take on the Three Lions. Though we chronically underperform, in a group like this there is simply no excuse not to cruise out to win with some ease. The Koreans, too, could provide France with some serious trouble, and never count out Nigeria. England, however, should come through.

GROUP B
Argentina--Czech Republic--Iran--United States
Argentina will of course be favored in this somewhat weak group. The United States, fresh off a surprise semifinal appearance in 2018, will look to beat out the Czechs for the other slot in what has turned into a rather heated rivalry these past four years, after the controversial red card that eliminated the Czechs to the US's advantage. The Iraians are more or less happy to be here, and will be cannon fodder for the big guns.

GROUP C
Costa Rica--Latveria--San Gusto--Serbia
A group of Death, in every sense of the term. Doomstadt's finest, it is rumoured, will be led into the stadium by the Doctor himself, making a rare--and controversial--state visit to England. Latveria crushed it's way through Europe's preliminaries. San Gusto, as well, will be making a controversial appearance, though the Hate-Monger is expected to stay at home. Add in Serbia, and one of these teams will be making an early exit, which might make them very angry, indeed. Costa Rica will just be glad to take a break from their wonderful weather to play in the gloom of England.

GROUP D
Germany--Ghana--Transia--Uruguay
What a cinderella story for Transia, a country of barely 25,000 people, to have made it all the way to the World Cup! "I can't believe it, it's been an incredible run," said Pietro Maximoff, possibly the countries most famous citizen. "It's been like a glorious dream." They'll have to hope for that stellar luck to continue, seeded against the always tough Germans and a feisty Uruguayan team here.

GROUP E
Italy--Netherlands--New Zealand--Wakanda
Plenty of stories in this group! Italy, still running with their aging stars who won it all in 2006, are determined to once and for all shake their reputation as a bunch of floppers--but expect the crowd to start giving to them the moment one of them falls down with a surely career-ending injury that they immediately recover from. Wakanda, meanwhile, consists of the walking wounded after making their way through a 'Friendly' match with Rudyarda--which ended in red-cards a plenty, and several key Wakandian players down for the count, and unlikely to appear in the Cup itself. Bad luck for a traditionally strong squad.

GROUP F
Austria--Croatia--Egypt--San Diablo
San Diablo's golden generation will once again attempt to distract it's populace from the constant threats of revolution to bring home a World Cup title before it's too late. Advancing out of THIS poor group seems almost a lock, as Austria should provide no challenge, while Croatia and Egypt should bang on the other long enough to let San Diablo cruise through.

GROUP G
Brazil--Japan--Mexico--Portugal
Any group that includes Brazil AND Mexico AND Portugal has to be considered the favorite to produce the champion--the winner will be so battle tested that anything other than the title will seem like an insult. Brazil will try to raise it's record eighth championship this year. Japan qualified despite protests from North Korea, who claimed they used two mutants, sans inhibitor collars, in their match in the third round. No evidence of such a maneuver was ever found, however, and they look to take their beatings at the hands of Group G.

GROUP H
Australia--Ireland--Spain--Senegal
The big story here, of course, will be Ireland's quasi-home field advantage. With practically half the island expected to flood into England for the Cup, will that be enough to propel them to the round of 16? Passing world-class side Spain is probably too much, but Senegal and perhaps Australia will be in their sights as they try to move on.

[Narrator]

And to prove that, yes, I am that lame--the COMPLETE qualifying results.
Help me, I'm trapped in a spreadsheet factory.

ASIA FIRST ROUND
Vietnam d. Nepal
Signapore d. Maldives
Aqiria d. Palestine
Uzbekistan d. Guam
Sin-Cong d. Chinese Taipei
Kuwait d. Hong Kong
North Korea d. Pakistan
Syria d. Sri Lanka
Jordan d. Macau
Malaysia d. Mazikhandar
Lebanon d. Timor-Leste
Qatar d. Laos
Oman d. Indonesia
Yemen d. Bangladesh
United Arab Emerites d. Mongolia
Bahrain d. Afghanistan
Madripoor d. India
Turkmenistan d. Bhutan
Tajikistan d. Philippines
Thailand d. Cambodia
China d. Myanmar
Iraq d. Brunei Darussalem
Trans-Sabal d. Kyrgyzstan

ASIA SECOND ROUND
Sin-Cong d. Lebanon
United Arab Emerites d. Turkmenistan
Aqiria d. Tajikistan
Jordan d. Vietnam
Thailand d. Singapore
Trans-Sabal d. Qatar
Madripoor d. Yemen
Kuwait d. Malaysia

ASIA THIRD ROUND
Iran 14
Bahrain 13
Syria 7
Thailand 0

Australia 18
Iraq 10
Oman 7
Aqiria 0

China 13
Saudi Arabia 9
Madripoor 6
Sin-Cong 3

South Korea 16
United Arab Emerites 8
Uzbekistan 5
Jordan 4

Japan 13
North Korea 12
Kuwait 7
Trans-Sabal 2

ASIA FOURTH ROUND
Japan 19
South Korea 15
Saudi Arabia 10
Bahrain 9
United Arab Emerites 1

Iran 20
Australia 15
China 8
Iraq 8
North Korea 5

ASIA FIFTH ROUND
China d. Saudi Arabia


OCEANA FIRST ROUND
New Zealand 32
Solomon Islands 25
Fiji 20
Lemuria Deviant 17
Papua New Guinea 17
American Samoa 4
Cook Islands 3

New Caledonia 30
Vanuatu 23
Tahiti 21
Lemuria 16
Providence 12
Samoa 6
Tonga 6

OCEANA SECOND ROUND
New Zealand 16
Solomon Islands 7
Vanuatu 7
New Caledonia 4

ASIA-OCEANA PLAYOFF
New Zealand d. China



AFRICA FIRST ROUND

Mauritus d. Sierra Leone
Somalia d. Burundi
Guinea-Bissau d. Imaya
Burunda d. Niger
Ethiopia d. Eritrea
Genosha d. Seychelles
Namibia d. Comoros
Sudan d. Swaziland
Chad d. Djibouti
Mauritania d. Equatoria Guniea
Lesotho d. Tanzania
Botswana d. Canaan
Liberia d. Madagascar

AFRICA SECOND ROUND
Togo 11
Mali 10
Liberia 7
Azania 2

Senegal 15
Gabon 11
Congo 8
Somalia 0

Cameroon 14
Sudan 8
Congo DR 5
Guinea-Bissau 4

Halwan 13
Algeria 10
Mbangawai 7
Botswana 3

Libya 10
Rudyarda 9
Rwanda 8
Namibia 4

Ivory Coast 18
Gambia 7
Burunda 5
Kenya 3

Cape Verde 13
Zambia 11
South Africa 5
Chad 4

Ghana 14
Angola 12
Malawi 4
Lesotho 2

Tunisia 15
Ethiopia 10
Guinea 5
Mozambique 3

Nigeria 15
Burkina Faso 12
Zimbabwe 7
Mauritus 1

Morocco 16
Narobia 9
Uganda 7
Genosha 3

Wakanda 11
Egypt 10
Benin 4
Mauritania 1

AFRICA THIRD ROUND
Senegal 12
Ivory Coast 9
Gabon 8
Togo 2

Wakanda 10
Cameroon 9
Morocco 6
Angola 5

Nigeria 14
Mali 10
Libya 9
Cape Verde 1

Ghana 12
Halwan 11
Algeria 3
Burkina Faso 3

Egypt 14
Tunisia 12
Zambia 8
Ethiopia 0



NORTH AMERICA FIRST ROUND
Guadeloupe d. US Virgin
Santo Rico d. Anguilla
Barbados d. Dominican Republic
Jamaica d. Tierra Verde
Guatemla d. Cayman
Costa Verde d. Belize
Suriname d. St. Lucia
Canada d. Bahamas
Haiti d. Aruba
Guyana d. British Virgin
Costa Salvador d. Bosqueverde
Antigua and Barbuda d. Puerto Rico
Trinidad & Tobago d. Dominica
Panama d. Nicaragua
Grenada d. Turks and Caicos
Cuba d. Boca Caliente
Bermuda d. Monserrat
El Salvador d. St. Vincent and Grenadines
Santo Marco d. St. Kiits & Nevis
Netherlands Antilles d. Terra Verde

NORTH AMERICA SECOND ROUND
Guateamala d. Netherlands Antilles
Costa Rica d. Costa Salvador
Honduras d. Antigua and Barbuda
El Salvador d. Santo Marco
United States d. Haiti
Guadeloupe d. Costa Verde
Mexico d. Cuba
Panama d. Bermuda
Trinidad & Tobago d. Grenada
Canada d. Suriname
Jamaica d. Guyana
Barbados d. Santo Rico

NORTH AMERICA THIRD ROUND
Mexico 15
Guatemala 10
El Salvador 5
Panama 4

United States 14
Canada 9
Jamaica 6
Trinidad & Tobago 2

Honduras 16
Costa Rica 11
Guadeloupe 7
Barbados 0

NORTH AMERICA FOURTH ROUNDUnited States 23
United States 23
Costa Rica 14
Mexico 13
Honduras 13
Canada 8
Guatemala 8

SOUTH AMERICAArgentina 61
Brazil 60
San Gusto 60
San Diablo 51
Uruguay 45
Chile 44
Delvadia 42
Paraguay 41
Ecuador 38
Colombia 37
Medisuela 33
Bolivia 31
Estrella 21
Bastrona 21
Venezuela 20
Peru 17

AMERICAS PLAYOFF
Uruguay d. Honduras



EUROPE-PRE QUALIFIERS
Slorenia d. San Marino
Estonia d. Vorozheika
Belgriun d. Faroe
Georgia d. Lichtenstein
Kazakhstan d. Malta
Aremenia d. Rumekistan
Moldova d. Andorra
Azerbaijan d. Luxembourg

EUROPE FIRST ROUND
Portugal 20
Ukraine 19
Morvenia 18
Poland 10
Slorenia 10
Belgium 4

Austria 19
Russia 16
Denmark 15
Israel 14
Iceland 12
Kazakhstan 5

Netherlands 25
Switzerland 19
Norway 14
Finland 10
Cyprus 10
Albania 9

Latveria 26
Bosnia-Herzegovina 13
Slovenia 13
Northern Ireland 13
Lithuania 10
Armenia 8

Serbia 25
Croatia 18
Romania 12
Hungary 11
Slovakia 8
Georgia 7

Italy 24
Turkey 19
Greece 13
Carpasia 13
Bulgaria 12
Moldova 4

Germany 23
Czech Republic 19
Belarus 14
Montenegro 12
Carnelia 11
Belgriun 4

Spain 27
Ireland 19
Sweden 17
Symkaria 14
Latvia 8
Azerbaijan 1

France 27
Transia 15
Scotland 14
Wales 10
Macedonia 9
Estonia 5

EUROPE SECOND ROUND
Ireland d. Russia
Czech Republic d. Ukraine
Transia d. Turkey
Croatia d. Switzerland